Why So Serious
by Amaratta
Summary: After running into Rukia and learning about how she wants a picture of a smiling Byakuya, Yoruichi is out to put a smile on that unexpressive face. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer and Notes:** Bleach belongs to Kubo-sensei.  
**A/N:** And this is my third oneshot that features Byakuya and Yoruichi. Unlike my previous stories, this one has no specific timeline, and it's pretty random, but I'm hoping you'd still enjoy it nonetheless. Comments and suggestions are welcome as usual.

* * *

**Why So Serious**

* * *

"What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?"

Rukia had been repeating that same mantra ever since she walked out of the meeting room of the Shinigami Women Association but it didn't seem to help relieve her anxiety.

"Why does it have to be me? Why can't they just assign this job to somebody else? I'm so doom!"

The black-haired midget was on the verge of nervous breakdown, and the closer she got to the Kuchiki manor, the more she wanted to scream and tear off her hair, which was exactly why she failed to see where she was heading so she tripped over something and fell face first to the ground.

"Ouch! Damn that stupid—" Rukia swallowed the rest of her sentence down her throat as soon as she realized that she didn't trip over just some random rock, but rather a black cat that was otherwise known as Shihōin Yoruichi. "Shit! My deepest apology, Shihōin-dono! I didn't see you there and I was—"

"That's fine. I get that a lot when I'm in this form. Besides, you seem to hurt yourself more than you hurt me," the cat observed in a casual tone. "What's not fine, though, is how you just called me. How many times do I have to tell you not to be so formal? Just call me Yoruichi."

"But that wouldn't be proper," the adopted Kuchiki argued while she picked herself up from the ground, clumsily brushing the dust from her kimono. "You're the head of one of the four great noble families. If Nii-sama finds out I only refer to you—"

"Nah, don't worry," Yoruichi cut in before Rukia could even finish what she was trying to say. "Compare to what your brother used to call me, calling me Yoruichi is all but improper."

Rukia blinked at the comment. She had learned since the encounter on the bridge to the Senzaikyū that this black cat and her brother had some kind of history together, but she didn't really knew what kind of relationship they shared, and despite the improvement in her relationship with her brother, Rukia still valued her life too much to pry into any of his business.

"If you insist so, Yoruichi-dono."

The cat rolled her gold eye at the honorific but chose not to comment.

"So what bothers you, Rukia?" Yoruichi asked. "You seem very anxious."

"It's nothing important, Yoruichi-dono—just some assignment I received from the Shinigami Women Association," Rukia replied meekly, feeling somewhat grateful that the lady showed some concern for her despite how they barely knew each other. "You shouldn't concern yourself over it."

"If it's nothing important, then why do you look so nervous?" the cat asked. "Now, seriously, you can tell me what's wrong. Who knows? I might be able to help."

"Thank you for your kindness, Yoruichi-dono, but I don't think even you can help me with this task. It is…simply impossible."

Yoruichi gave Rukia a dubious look. "Nothing in this world is impossible, so try me."

Seeing that she had nothing to lose, Rukia sighed and began, albeit hesitantly, "Well, you see, we're running out of budget in the club, so we think that we might raise some money by publishing a photo book."

"And how is that impossible?" Yoruichi wondered, scratching her chin with her paw. "Or they want to publish your nude photos?"

The petite girl blushed profusely before she quickly denied, "No, Yoruichi-dono, why would they want a nude picture of someone like me?"

Yoruichi looked up and down Rukia's body before she shrugged. Indeed, the girl was not a perfect candidate for that type of magazine.

"Then whose nude photos do they want? Ichigo's?" Rukia shook her head. "Renji's?" Another shake of head. "Ukitake's?" Again, shaking head. "Byakuya's?" A gulp. "So it's Byakuya's, then?"

Rukia quickly shook her head and waving her hands while she flushed scarlet.

"No, you're getting this all wrong," she quickly corrected. "They don't want nude pictures. They just want Nii-sama's pictures."

"Then just take a few photos of him. I can't see why it's impossible. It's not like Byakuya would kill you for taking his picture." Yoruichi said before she frowned. "Or you don't have a camera? I can ask Kisuke to send one over to Soul Society if that's the case."

"No, no, no, they already gave me a camera."

"So what's your problem? Don't know how to use it?"

"I know how to use it!" Rukia quickly claimed. "It's just—" the girl sighed. "Well, they want pictures of Nii-sama smiling. And you know how he never smiles—I mean, ever. Everyone seems to think that just because I'm his so-called little sister, I should be able to make him smile, but I don't know how. I mean, even now it's still weird to have a conversation with him that doesn't involve work, so…"

Seeing how Byakuya's little sister hung her head in shame, the black cat jumped up on the girl's shoulder and patted her head with her paw.

"There. There. Don't be so downcast; it doesn't suit you," Yoruichi commented. "Making Byakuya smile, huh? That can't be too difficult. I'll help you."

"Are you sure you can do this, Yoruichi-dono?" Rukia asked, her eyes lit up with hope.

The shape shifter frowned at Rukia's question. "Are you trying to insult me with that question?"

"No, ma'am. Absolutely not! It's just…you don't know him the way I do."

The shape-shifter laughed at the remark and jumped back down to the street.

"You're damn right about that coz I know him much better than you do. So get your camera ready and leave the rest to me. I'll make him smile—nah, better yet, I'll make him laugh. So watch and learn, kid."

* * *

Kuchiki Byakuya sneezed and felt his right eye twitch while he signed his name down the report that he brought home with him from the division. He narrowed his eyes slightly as he suddenly had a feeling that something bad was about to happen to him soon, and usually whenever he had that kind of hunch, it involved one evil being.

"The demon cat," he mumbled to himself before he shook his head. "No, you worry too much, Byakuya. That woman is not even in Soul Society."

"You know, talking to yourself is a sign that you're getting delusional."

Byakuya could only feel a vein popping out of his forehead once he heard that familiar female voice. _Speak of the devil._ He tried his best not to mind the presence of the woman he dubbed "Demon Cat" Shihōin Yoruichi, yet he knew from experience that his effort on ignoring the woman would be futile. She would always find a way to get his attention whether he liked it or not, and he wouldn't be able to get rid of her until she got what she came for, although this time, he wasn't quite sure what she was after.

"Then I'm hoping you're not really here."

"So you don't miss me?" the lady pouted dramatically. "You hurt my feeling, Byakuya-bo."

Byakuya looked up from the document he was reading, a hint of annoyance reflected in his grey eyes. He took note of how Yoruichi was in her human form, clad in black skintight outfit and orange jacket that was her newest style of dressing.

Trying his best not to express his irritation, Byakuya asked, "What business do you have with me, Shihōin Yoruichi?"

"Back to the full-name basis again, are we?" the lady rolled her eyes. "And why does everything have to be about business with you? Can't a friend just come over to visit a friend for a nice friendly chat?"

"No," was his curt reply.

"Ah, you're still no fun as ever, Byakuya-bo," Yoruichi whined as she flopped carelessly down on the floor across the low table to her reluctant host. Seeing that he paid her no heed and resumed reviewing the report, the cat lady gingerly picked up one report from the pile that the impassive lord had already reviewed before she carefully folded it in half.

Realizing what the dark-skinned lady was doing, Byakuya glared into her golden eyes and snatched the report out of her hold before she had a chance to turn it into an origami.

"You will not leave me in peace until you get what you want, I assume?" Byakuya asked as he unfolded the paper and put it back in the stack.

"Nope," the shape-shifter replied with a smug smile before she reached for another report.

Byakuya didn't so much as roll his eyes when he put his writing brush down on a stand then placed his hand above the pile of report in order to protect it from the dark-skinned lady's naughty hands.

"All right, fine, Shihōin Yoruichi, let's 'chat'."

"Eh?" the lady cried in surprise. "What do you mean 'let's chat'?"

"Is it not what you are here for?" Byakuya asked in a slightly impatient tone. The lady always knew which button to push, and he wanted her out before he blew his fuse. "Now what is it that you want to talk to me about?"

"I'm not sure," the lady replied truthfully, shrugging.

"You are not sure," the Kuchiki lord repeated slowly in a low voice that barely managed to conceal his irritation.

"Uh-huh…there are plenty of things to talk about. I mean, we haven't spoken to each other for what? A century? An insult on the bridge to the Senzaikyū doesn't count. Now where should I start…?"

"You can start by telling me why you're back in Soul Society and why, of all the people you can mess with, you choose to come to see me and waste my time when there are others who are more than willing to spend their time with you?"

Yoruichi tilted her head as she looked carefully at the man who was once the boy she loved to tease. Byakuya looked slightly crossed although his expression would still look serene to those who didn't know him well enough to read him.

"But I thought you knew that already."

"If I knew, I wouldn't ask."

Lady Shihōin had a soft smile on her face when she explained, "Well, to answer your first question, I just come to give Kūkaku a new prosthetic arm for her upcoming birthday. For your second question, umm, let's just say that everyone else is too willing to spend time with me that it's not fun. Besides, all work and no play make Byakuya-bo a dull boy."

"I am no longer a boy."

There was something in his voice that made Yoruichi looked more carefully at the man before her.

She couldn't help but noticed how much he had changed from the way she remembered him. His facial features had become sharper and his figured had altered from one of a juvenile to one of a grown man. His character had also changed so much with time that she couldn't decide which one she preferred between the impertinent and passionate boy she used to know and the cold and composed individual he had become.

"So I've noticed," she muttered to herself. "But you're still so fun to tease, Byakuya, regardless of how old you are—just in different ways. I mean, when you were younger, I always came to bug you whenever I had the time because you were so…rebellious, I mean, most people in Seireitei worshiped the ground I walked on and treated me like I was a goddess, but you were not like them—you couldn't even admit that I was better than you."

Byakuya's expression had softened slightly at Yoruichi's comment.

"And I would never do," he supplied.

"Yeah, I got the idea already," the cat lady noted with a snort. "Now it's just a different kind of fun altogether. Everyone says that you're so cold, and that you're so serious that you never smile. They say you're like an iceberg."

"Iceberg?"

"Yes, but I don't really agree with them on that, though," the lady remarked. "I'd say you're more like Fuji-san."

"The volcano?" Byakuya actually blinked at the comparison. "How so?"

"Well, it looks calm and beautiful with its snow-capped peak on the outside," Yoruichi observed. "But on the inside, it's still an active volcano that could erupt at any unexpected moment. I figure you're just like that—covered by your cold and emotionless mask, but deep down, you're still passionate and even deadly."

A ghost of a smile could be detected on the Kuchiki lord's normally stoic face.

"That's an interesting analogy," he commented. "However, I must remind you that Fujiyama hasn't erupted for at least three hundred years."

The violet-haired lady shrugged. "Well, then in that case, I suppose I'm lucky I'm not here to make you erupt. I'm just here to make you smile. You still remember how to do that, right?"

"I suppose," Byakuya replied noncommittally.

"So would it kill you to just smile every once in a while?"

"No, but it might kill those you saw it," Byakuya remarked with a hint of amusement in his charcoal eyes. "They would probably think apocalypse had finally come if I suddenly smiled for no reason."

Yoruichi laughed at the comment. "Come on, Byakuya, your smile can't be that horrendous."

"I wonder," the twenty-eighth head of the Kuchiki family said, somewhat dubious. "What is it with you and wanting to see me smile anyway, Yoruichi?"

The lady shrugged. She could tell that her plan to loosen up the Kuchiki lord was working rather well since he no longer referred to her by her full name, which was the way he normally did when he had his guard up, but she knew he was still far from being completely relaxed.

"Nothing. I just thought it was a shame to hear that you've become so serious that nobody's seen you smile lately."

Byakuya took a while to contemplate his answer before he replied, "I still smile, Yoruichi, but only when there is a point to it."

"Smile for me then," she said rather bluntly.

The Kuchiki lord looked at his guest in a rather surprised expression. "And the point in that would be…?"

"I'd be gone as soon as you do?" she offered.

Byakuya's lips almost curved upward into a smile as he heard the reason; however, his self-control kicked in first so the smile withered before it could even bloom.

Seeing how the noble lord still wore no emotion on his face while he stared blankly at her across the table, Yoruichi frowned. "What? Isn't that good enough to be a reason?"

"It is," the nobleman pointed, a smug gleam flashed behind his charcoal eyes for very brief moment. "But it is also why I would not smile just yet."

"Why, Byakuya? I thought you couldn't wait to get rid of me," the purple-haired lady asked. Then as if a new thought crossed her mind, Yoruichi narrowed her gold eyes in a seductive manner as she leaned across the table to stare right into his. "Tsk…tsk…Don't tell me you suddenly have a change of heart and want me to stay."

"Maybe I do," he countered smoothly, not breaking the gaze. "Now the real question is what would you do if that was truly the case?"

"If that's really the case, then I'm flattered," Yoruichi replied tactfully. "But if you just say so because you refuse to give me what I want, I still have a trick up my sleeve, so don't think for a second that you're gonna win, Byakuya. You should know by now I always get what I want in the end, so you might as well just give up now."

"Then you should know that I'm not a type to give up easily, Yoruichi," Lord Kuchiki countered, looking at Lady Shihōin with half-lidded eyes. "Besides, I already have what I want by dragging this on."

The lady huffed and pouted. "So, in other word, you're not gonna smile even after I asked so nicely?"

Byakuya shook his head. "Since when have I ever done something for you just because you asked nicely?"

"True," Yoruichi agreed. "But I was hoping you would because I really don't want us to come down to this unless I don't have any other option."

"Come down to what?" he asked, but then something dawned to him and his eyes widened slightly. He looked guardedly at Yoruichi who gave him an evil smile and a nod to confirm his suspicion. "Oh, no, you don't."

"Give up and smile for me now, Kuchiki Byakuya, or else—" she drawled mischievously.

The Kuchiki lord seemed to be somewhat nervous as his eyes darted around the room as if to search for an emergency exit. "Don't even think about it, Yoruichi!"

"Who said I'm thinking?" she asked innocently. However, before Byakuya could even feel relieved, she disappeared from where she had been sitting just to reappear behind him and breathe into his ear, "I'm doing it!"

Reflexively, Byakuya turned to her and tried to flash away from that position. However, she expertly wound her arms around him before he could flee, then she attacked his rips with her fingers.

The Kuchiki lord bit down on his lips in order to suppress the involuntary laughter that threatened to emerge from his lungs while he struggled to free himself from the dark-skinned lady who he swore would be the death of him someday.

He failed.

Byakuya's straight line of lips curved up into a smile for a moment before it broke into a full-blown laughter and after a while, the lord fell gracelessly to the floor, laughing. Damn the cat lady for knowing exactly where he was ticklish and damn himself for not suspecting that she wouldn't hesitate to tickle him like she used to when they were younger.

"Get… off… me…you… demon cat," he demanded between his laughter as the shape-shifter kept tickling him even after he was down.

Yoruichi laughed at his helpless state and paused for a moment to taunt him. "That doesn't sound like an order to—"

Her sentence was cut by her own shriek as Byakuya's hands somehow made their way to her waist and used greater upper body strength to tackle her down before he poke at her rips in retaliation.

"You're a dead meat, demon cat!" the noble lord said evilly although his shaking voice made his word sound far less threatening than he intended.

However, the former commander of the Secret Mobile Corps was not going to be outdone so easily, so she elbowed the captain of the Sixth Division right in the stomach and used his momentary surprise to flip them over so that their positions were reverse.

"This means war, Kuchiki Byakuya!" Yoruichi said, once again gaining the upper hand.

Regardless of how Yoruichi was straddling him and tickling him mercilessly, Byakuya refused to give up and tickle her in return.

Their laughs resounded throughout the empty hall of the Kuchiki mansion while the two engaged in a tickling war that continued on until they were both breathless.

"Truce?" Yoruichi suggested as she found herself too exhausted to keep going.

Byakuya looked up to the lady who was sitting on top of him and he knew agreeing was the only graceful way to end this ridiculous war. "Truce."

Yoruichi rested both of her hands on Byakuya's chest to support herself while she regained her breathing, vaguely aware of how suggestive their current position was with her sitting atop of him and him placing his hands loosely on her hips. She was definitely getting old if a fit of laughter could exhaust her like that.

After regaining her composure, Yoruichi looked down at Byakuya and found herself entranced by the smile that had yet to fade from his face.

"You definitely should smile more."

Their eyes locked for a long moment as Byakuya slowly moved one hand from her hip to tug a stray lock of her purple hair behind her ear.

"Then stay and give me a reason to."

The Shihōin lady knew just as much as the Kuchiki lord knew that his sentence held more meaning than it sounded.

Yoruichi pondered her answer. From all the years they had known each other, she could easily tell the different between the tone of voice he used when he was serious and the one he used when he was merely playing. And she knew, this time, he meant business, and whatever she replied to him would change the course of their relationship forever.

After a long moment of silence had passed, Yoruichi touched Byakuya's hand that still lingered on her hair and held it for a moment before she let go.

"You don't really need anyone to give you a reason to smile, Byakuya."

Lord Kuchiki nodded quietly before he removed his hands from her so she could sit up. However, much to his surprise, the lady leaned down towards him instead.

Flashing him a small smile, Yoruichi moved her face closer to Byakuya's and whispered softly into his ear, "But since you asked so nicely, I'll stay."

* * *

Later that day, Rukia jumped when she heard a knock on her door and she had to keep her eyes on the floor as soon as she opened it to see her brother's expressionless face.

"N-nii-sama!"

Rukia felt her face heated up as her thought traveled back to the interaction between Byakuya and Yoruichi just a few hours earlier. Of course, she had left as soon as she got all the photos she needed since she felt as though she was intruding, but what she had seen and heard before she left were more than enough to make her wonder once again what kind of history the two really shared.

"To what do I owe the honor of your presence?"

The adopted Kuchiki wasn't quite sure if it was really a sigh she heard since she didn't dare look at her brother at that moment lest her look would betray her.

"I assume you got the pictures you wished."

Now, Rukia could no longer keep her eyes on the floor.

"How did you find out? I made sure to turn off the flash and the sound of the shutter." Rukia gulped then fixed her eyes on the floor once her brother glared her down. Then she asked in a meek tone, "Um…I mean, did Yoruichi-dono tell you?"

"The lady did not have to say a word," the older Kuchiki said calmly. "It was your reiatsu that gave you away."

Rukia felt a sweat form on her forehead in nervousness. "Umm…well…I…um…Are you…?"

Byakuya looked at his little sister for a long moment before he closed his eyes and stated, "Just make sure she is not in any of the photographs you plan to release."

And with that, the Kuchiki lord was gone in a flash, not even bothering to wait to hear her answer.

Rukia blinked for a few times before she sighed in relief and raised her hand up to wipe the sweat away from her forehead. She was not surprised that her brother didn't bother to explain his relationship with Lady Yoruichi, nor was she disappointed.

After all, her brother's business was not for hers to question, and if it was something important, like he decided to find her a new sister in-law, she would learn about it soon enough.

**The End**


End file.
